I dealt with a case recently in which a 13 year old boy was being prosecuted for racially aggravated threatening behaviour against a Chinese man and his wife. The boy didn’t turn up so the trial proceeded in his absence.

The Chinese man gave his evidence through an interpreter.

‘He called me a fucking Chinese chinky,’ said the witness.

‘Tell the court about the incident when you were in your car,’ enquired the prosecutor.

The Chinese man stepped out of the witness box so he could be seen, took a deep breath and said, ‘He came running up to the car and shouted ‘fucking Chinese chinky! Wanker!’’ He emphasised the last word by screwing up his face and making masturbatory gestures towards the magistrates to make sure they understood what he was saying.

Needless to say the 13 year old boy was convicted and a warrant issued for his arrest.

Another day in the Criminal Justice System. But I don’t let it bother me. That night, at home, I was sat in front of the TV, feet up, drinking wine and laughing out loud to Little Britain.