TV adverts can be entertaining. They can be funny or sad. Even clever and ingenious. Ridiculous even.

But some adverts are infuriating. Especially the ones that are issued by government departments about how we should live our lives.

The latest one is a man dressed as a plucked turkey attacking another man in his living room. They’re both seen rolling around the floor. It’s a sketch that Matt and David would be proud of. The message?

‘Make sure you defrost your turkey properly this Christmas’

It even goes on to say why this is necessary. Apparently we can get very ill if we don’t defrost it before cooking and eating it.

Maybe it’s an attempt by the government to reduce NHS queues. They’re banning smoking – wait and see, frozen turkeys will be banned next. And if you have roast turkey on Christmas Day and you become ill, you won’t be able to insist on NHS treatment if you didn’t defrost it properly.

A Nanny is a good person. She looks after your interests and does what’s best for you.

But my Nan never wiped my arse.

Ironic isn’t it? The Kyoto agreement is just signed and a huge explosion takes place in the Middle of England billowing billions of tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

One would have thought that with all the hot air politicians speak the ozone layer is extinct anyway.

I believe the Earth will recover – it always does. If we disrepect it, it will get rid of us and cleanse itself like a dog scratching fleas away.

You know what will happen next though – the fire is so big that we’ll run out of clean water.