I don’t know what is good for us anymore. Not that long ago, we were being told about the dangers of being too skinny – being size zero was dangerous and sets a bad example.

But now so is being too fat. Eat more, eat less. No wonder everyone is confused.

Once again, the government comes up with another crazy idea. ‘Lose weight and we’ll pay you!’

So what about the skinny ones? Don’t forget, they’re unhealthy too. Pay them to gain weight?

It’s like those adverts we saw at Christmas telling us to cook out turkeys properly. And those adverts telling us to look out for cars when we cross the road.

What happened to individual responsibility? If it’s not careful, this government is going to be in charge of a nation of people who can’t look after themselves and expect things to be done for them.

Who’s going to be Chief Arse Wiper?

Everyone loves a conspiracy theory. You wouldn’t be reading this otherwise.

I have an Aussie mate who just knows things. He was the first one to conjecture that Princess Diana was ‘knocked off’. He thought the American intelligence services were responsible for the Twin Towers.

Now he thinks that the jumbo that crash landed at Heathrow was an assassination attempt on Gordon Brown. After all, Mr Brown (is that his real name?) was at the airport when it happened. And the car he was in was directly beneath the stricken aircraft as it just cleared the perimeter fence (apparently).

He rang and told me about his theory today. I was astounded but offered an explanation.

‘It could have been a bird flying into the engine’ I said.

‘Yes, but, there were no feathers’ he replied.

He’s got a point.